I recently saw this done with Cupcakes & Cashmere, and thought it was such a great idea. So I decided to do it too. I turn 39 this year, and I am actually not worried about it. The time between 29-30 was a really bad time for mentally. I think this has been the best 10 years of my life. (30-39) I grew so much and broke a lot of things that I thought defined me.
I still struggle with whether or not I should continue to pursue my goals. At times, I think I’m in my 30’s should I just work, pay bills, and have hobbies. But that seems so boring and unfulfilling. Then there are times I feel like my life is just beginning.
I realized that I am not alone with a lot of my feelings. I didn’t share for a really long time because I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining. People have it so much worse than I do, and wanted to look like I had my stuff together. I have learned that is it ok to be depressed and talk about it. I am working on what my triggers are for my anxiety. I have always been super sensitive, and let things rock me to my core. During the pandemic, I learned that there is a word for that – Highly Sensitive Person. A book was recommended to me, and it was me. I have always looked at my sensitivity as a negative.
Live My Best Life
This next phase of my life is living my best life. Living the life that I am proud of and that is what I want to live. I have never been a traditional personal. I remember growing up I wanted to travel and take pictures. Things for me were always different – I didn’t fit into a mold. Even though that’s all I wanted to do growing up. It took me a while but I am not going to fit into a mold. I have dreams that are out there, and THAT’S OK!!
I have let fear and doubt control me for so long. It has made me so miserable and feel like I am constantly looking over my shoulder. Letting the past be the past is something that I really bothers me. I did a lot of stupid stuff. (I mean really stupid stuff) I held on to things for too long out of my extreme loyalty and seeing what I thought was the good in people. I know longer live in that house, and I am not that person. If people in the past can’t see that and want to bring up my past. That’s on them!
More Solo Time
l use to do so much stuff by myself. I had no problem going to dinner or grabbing a drink by myself. Now after work I come home. I was talking with a co-worker about this other day. I can be introverted at times, but because of the panademic and being at home for so long I am REALLY a home body. When I get home, I am home. I don’t want to leave which is different because in the past I would go home and leave all the time.
This year I want to do more stuff solo and feel confident about it. During the summer, I have TONS of time to do things solo. I want to explore the area more because I really do think Peoria has more to offer than I think.
Continue To Grow
This year I made goal to read at least 10 pages everyday of a personal and professional book. The personal book took some time finding something that I could get into, but I have found some I really like. (Thank you Kindle Unlimited) I have so many professional books to read that this is not a problem. The only problem is some I have read, but I don’t remember reading so I am going back to read. I recently added an educational book. I have put training on the backburner for a while, and it’s something that I miss. So I added 10 pages of something educational (specifically training related) each day. So far, it has been pretty good. It has also brought things that no longer interest/serve me in the moment of time.